Fuckin’ Skanky Ho’

(adapted from Don McLean’s “American Pie”)

Wasn’t too long ago
Just keep tryin’ to forget
How she used to make me smile
And I knew that I’d get my chance
To get deep down inside her pants
And maybe we’d be happy for a while
But she blew me off without a hitch
Stinkin’, lousy, no-good hosebag bitch
Wantin’ to play the field
My despair I couldn’t shield
I can’t remember if I cried
Seein’ him with her I lost my pride
Imag’nin’ his dick deep inside
The day I knew she lied
So,

Bye, bye, you fuckin’ skanky ho’
Don’t wanna hear none’a your noise
Ain’t seein’ ya no mo’
Just me an’ the boys gone drinkin’ Schaeffer an’ Strohs
Askin, “Who’s she gonna do next?” “I dunno...”
“Who’s she gonna do next?” “I dunno...”

Does she live the Joy of Sex
And does she know who she’s doin’ next
As long as he’s in a frat
Now I really thought it was goin’ great
I had finally found my soul mate
Defendin’ her I’d go to the mat
Well I know that she’s is lust with him
Makin’ sure he sees a lot of skin
They both kicked off their shoes
Then I was nothin’ but old news
I was left a lonely broncin’ buck
Betrayed my love and left me with just a fuck
And now I know I’m outta luck
The day I knew she lied
I started singin’

(chorus)

For a few weeks I’ve been on my own
No more action for my achin’ bone
But that’s not how it used to be
None of her friends wanted to understand
They thought all the blame was by my hand
That what she wanted was to be free
Oh and all the while that we were friends
I prayed I wouldn’t get the bends
Soon after I was burned
I never would return
And everyone else was doin’ fine
Havin’ fun messin’ with my mind
While goin’ though the daily grind
The day I knew she lied
They were singin’

(chorus)

Scrumpin’ bumpin’ all the fuckin’ time
What that bitch did to me should be a crime
Countless times and risin’ fast
Time to forget the past
Wasn’t the first time won’t be the last
‘Bout the only thing left to do is get smashed
Now left with nights and nothin’ to do
While this isn’t nothin’ new
Her image to enhance
With no letters I had no chance
‘Cause frat men have pick of the field
A quality hand they were dealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day I knew she lied
We started singin’

(chorus)

Oh we used to hang out in one place
But now I have to give her space
With no time left to start again
I think maybe she should go door to door
Fuckin’ until her shit is sore
‘Cause dick is that slutty cunt’s only friend
Oh and as I watch her in the hall
I can’t believe she had the gall
No cunt rag born in hell
Could put me in that spell
And as her reputation went straight down
I could only muster a frown
Rememberin’ her as a hell hound
The day I knew she lied
Started singin’

(chorus)

I met a girl who gave me chills
And I asked her for a few cheap thrills
But she just gave me the finger
I headed back to the homestead
Where I can drink and drink ‘til I’m dead
She didn’t want me she called in a ringer
And in the streets the virgins screamed
The frat men smiled and the losers dreamed
But not a word was spoken
Her sore cunt would be soakin’
And the two me she wanted most
Dick Rambone and the “Tonight Show” host
Bought her plane ticket to the coat
The day I knew she lied
And they were singin’

(chorus)

(chorus)